Soap is not a condiment
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
