I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
