It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm always down for nudity.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
