we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm both gender and math confused
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
