I'm drive I can fine osifer
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we're so committed to being not committed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
