I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
