I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
