If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
