dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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