Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
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"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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