Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize