Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
