Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
