sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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