I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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