I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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