The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
