I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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