We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
