YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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