I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
