omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
