I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
