Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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