why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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