i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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