would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
