You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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