Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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