i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize