i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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