she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
