Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Randomize
