Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
