I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
