Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize