I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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