Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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