Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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