This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
