bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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