he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
