well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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