eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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