my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
