I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize