did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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