So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I will pee on everything he values.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
