I'm going to jail i love you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
