Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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