if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize