Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
