i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
