He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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