Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
