its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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