This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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