I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize