I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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