I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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