I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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