Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
