I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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