Quick, to the slutcave!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I party with great urgency now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
